In the modern age, the fear that women will become so addicted to toys manifests in memes comparing sex toys to partners, or even Cardi B in Hustlers boasting that her pink vibrator is the best and only boyfriend she will ever need. Mashable Image The Fin is a life-changing partnered sex vibrator. Scroll to the end for a full review. Credit: Mashable Composite: Dame / Bob Al-Greene / Mashable Women in heterosexual relationships still often worry that asking to introduce a vibrator or toy into the bedroom will make their partner feel emasculated. In his work with couples, though, Kerner has never found this to be the case, with “most men seeming very receptive to wanting to create experiences that are mutually pleasurable.” If that’s a particular worry, though, partnered sex toys can alleviate the stress of making it about your pleasure alone.
The highly-rated (and also woman co-founded) Crescendo from MysteryVibe is ideal for beginners looking for versatility, designed for solo or partnered play, various positions, and various bodies and sexual orientations, too. For me, something as ingeniously simple, unintimidating, and Intuitive as Dame’s Fin was nothing short of revolutionary, leading to my first simultaneous orgasm with a partner ever. “The new wave of sex toys have opened people up to the idea that toys and masturbation are not in opposition to a relationship. It’s not one or the other. Women don’t have a limited amount of sexual energy,” said Lieberman. Still, the myth of sex toy “addiction” or that vibrators cause permanent desensitization or make it impossible to cum any other way persists. Luckily, there is zero empirical evidence to support these concerns. "Women don’t have a limited amount of sexual energy.” What’s funny, Lieberman noted, is that concerns over vibrators being addictive only started in the 1930s, once sex toys began being openly sold in markets rather than controlled by doctors. That’s when the concept of “dildo attachment” came into the conversation, which claimed to make women stop wanting sex with their husbands.
At worst, Kerner said, vigorous habitual use of a sex toy can simply cause over-familiarity with that specific intense sensation that can’t be replicated by a person. But that’s no different than men who develop difficulty climaxing during intercourse because they masturbate with a very tight grip that can’t be replicated during penetration. Both are easily fixed with a simple break. “Just stop using it for a few days. It’s not heroin. You can put it to the side, and use your hand or go manual with your partner, and it will return to being just as pleasurable,” said Lieberman. One legitimate health concern, however, relates to the type of material used for sex toys. Rodriguez emphasized the importance of medical-grade rather than food-grade silicone, since they often go inside the most absorbent parts of your body. Be very wary of buying anything on Amazon, which often sells knock offs. On the other hand (pun intended), what more masturbation can do is actually improve your capacity to orgasm in general, and give you the space to learn exactly what kind of touch and sensations you like, which you can then communicate to your partner. But outside of its benefits in partnered sex, the power of sex toys is about rediscovering what pleasure means and feels like to you alone. Mashable Image Vibe is one of the cheapest, most beloved beginner toys. Scroll to the end for a full review. Credit: Mashable Composite: Maude / Bob Al-Greene / MASHABLE “I think masturbation is one of the healthiest things we can do when it comes to understanding and appreciating our bodies. For me, and for many in our community, self-pleasure helps us reclaim our bodies for ourselves,” said Rodriguez.
At 21, she underwent menopause after a cancer diagnosis and dealt with feeling estranged from her body. “For many who experience trauma, it can be a truly healing process to redefine your sexuality for yourself.” Another more practical concern for first-time sex toy buyers, found in both the TENGA survey and Unbound’s own community survey, was price. Quality toys can be an investment, and the sheer variety of different types, sensations, and textures can feel paralyzing when you have no reference point for what you like. That’s why the best first toys are reasonably priced, straightforward, and versatile (scroll to the bottom for our best recommendations). People with labias often find the most success when starting with clitoral stimulators like bullets or lipstick vibes. Unbound has a quarterly, affordable subscription box designed for newbies trying to expand their erotic repertoire.
Young Teen BikiniOne revolutionary policy Dame made in order to help get over this barrier to entry goes radically against a key industry-standard: They accept returns. (Unbound accepts partial returns for used toys). “First of all, be proud of yourself for buying the toy.” Their policy changed after CEO Alexandra Fine and her co-founder reevaluated the reasons behind this industry standard, which claims that returns are unhygienic. But the more they thought about it, it became clear that other companies accepted returns despite their product being unhygienic to resell, like Casper mattresses and Thinx panties. “What that kind of policy is almost saying is, ‘Hey, your vagina is disgusting. Obviously, we can’t take returns.’ That in itself has shame built into it, and is counter to us creating a shame-free experience,” said Fine. “We want you to feel comfortable letting us know that something didn't work for you. Then, we can help you find something that does.” Still, even when we can get over all those initial walls of shame and finally buy a sex toy, it’s very normal to then face a whole other wave of shame while actually using it. But there are lots of ways to get past that, too.
“First of all, be proud of yourself for buying the toy,” said Lieberman. “Then, accept that your first few experiences may be awkward. I mean, what was your first experience of sex with another person like? You don’t know what you’re doing. It's a new technology that you're learning. It could even feel weird at first if you've never had something vibrating on your genitals. That's OK, too.” Try everything alone first, and on the lowest power setting first — possibly even over your panties or even a towel for clitoral stimulators. People vary on level of sensitivity. Mashable Image Vesper's a gorgeous necklace/vibrator confronts the sex toy taboo head-on. Scroll to end for a full review. Credit: Mashable Composite: Crave / Bob Al-Greene / MASHABLE Overall, one of the best pieces of advice I ever got while joining the sex toy revolution is to treat each new toy like a new sexual partner. Give yourself time to learn how it fits your body, or whether it’s a good match at all. View your early experiences as exploratory rather than setting the expectation to cum, which puts undue pressure on you and your new friend. And honestly, unless you’ve purchased from one of these new women, femme, and non-binary-led sex toy makers, do your best to ignore the marketing and promises on the packaging. Often, you’ll find images of scantily clad women that project a false picture of what masturbation looks like. In reality, it looks more like you in pajamas and a face mask.
Even more importantly, do not believe in the promises of an instantaneous, guaranteed, melt-your-face off orgasm. Again, every body is different, and it’s normal for something that works for most to not work for you. If you’re confused about how to use it (since many manuals are woefully lacking), educate yourself online with reviews that paint more vivid pictures. Many of the companies that are revolutionizing sex toys also provide well-written blogs and step-by-step guides for their toys. "Me Too let people — especially women — feel more comfortable expressing their need, their demand for sexual pleasure." Underlying the new sex toy revolution is a movement that believes pleasure and satisfaction should be a human right. Closely tied to that movement is another one that started in 2017, which finally allowed women to start talking about the ways sex made them feel ashamed, traumatized, and silenced. “The rise of talking about sexual assault from Me Too let people — especially women — feel more comfortable expressing their need, their demand for sexual pleasure,” said Lieberman. It’s deeply unsettling (perhaps even related) that, in the midst of this sexual wellness revolution, we’re seeing a vicious legal backlash trying to strip women of basic rights over their own bodies. Whether it’s challenges to Roe v. Wade, other increasingly restrictive abortion laws, or less access to birth control, “at the bottom of it all is people preventing women from having sex without consequence. It’s the belief that sexual pleasure isn't good in and of itself for women unless it’s to procreate,” said Lieberman.
Bdsm Bed RestraintsWhile it might seem silly (and obviously, different forms of activism are needed to counteract these serious threats), there is power in reclaiming at least one form of control over your body by exercising your right to pleasure with a toy. “My suggestion is to just give it a try,” said Rodriguez. “I have yet to hear from someone who, after trying a vibrator, regrets it. It’s all about just giving yourself permission to explore — and you are the only one who needs to grant yourself permission, to say ‘yes’ to pleasure. Trust me, you deserve it. We all do.” Maude Minimalist, inexpensive, yet powerful, the Vibe’s exquisitely accessible design made it an instant hit for a reason. Its simplicity doesn’t sacrifice function, with a reputation for getting the job done fast. Able to be used externally or internally, it’s the most bang for your buck (and boy, does that buck go).
Mystery Vibe A Swiss Army Knife of toys, this bendable, inclusive powerhouse justifies its price by letting you experiment in countless ways (their Playbook has some ideas). One con is its overwhelming app with a paralyzing amount of customization options. Like all Bluetooth-enabled toys, it drops connection often, so just preset your favorite patterns onto the vibe. Though I didn't try it, Unbound’s Bender might be a cheaper, simpler alternative for a similar concept. Crave Break the sex toy taboo with a gorgeous necklace that's also a pinpoint clitoral stimulator designed to get you off wherever and whenever you want. Wearing the Vesper turns your shame into an unapologetic pride. While not the most powerful, it's perfect for those nervous about introducing toys into partnered sex since unscrewing it from your necklace is sexier than fumbling for one in your bedside table. Dame
In a word: life-changing. The simple genius of the Fin is that it puts the power of a bullet between your fingers, making it seamless to use in any position during penetrative sex and one of the best toys for closing the orgasm gap. Despite access to countless other vibrators 4 times more expensive, I dubbed Fin “old faithful,” cause I could always count on it like clockwork to deliver a geyser-level explosion. Tango We-Vibe A personal favorite as my first vibe ever, the Tango’s been a classic, powerful, beloved bullet for years that's simple and gets the job done. If you're more sensitive to vibration, prefer the soft silicone feel, more fluttering sensation, or an adjustable tip, try Dame’s equally great Kip.
Waterproof: No The Magic Wand is known as the little black dress of sex toys. It's so consistent, Marcus recommends every woman should have a wand in their vibrator collection. The rechargeable pick comes with an updated, easy-to-clean silicone head and the same deep, rumbly vibrations for strong orgasms. "It's an all-around massager that works not only on my pleasure zones but also on other parts of my body or my partner's like the back, neck, and shoulders after long travels," Moore says. Best for queer women: Wet for Her's Two Finger Extender Wet for Her's Two Finger Extender VIEW ON WET FOR HER | $40 Pro Can be more comfortable than using a dildo Con Material could be softer for flexibility Rechargeable: N/A
Waterproof: Water-resistant Ideal for G-spot stimulation, the finger extender was ergonomically designed so you could easily slip your two fingers into the toy. The body-safe material lets you feel your muscle contractions and the warmth of your body, so the touch feels natural and super-soft. Good for solo or partnered masturbation, customers rave that the toy is amazing for those who love finger play. Best for innovation: Lovense Nora Lovense Nora VIEW ON AMAZON | $120 VIEW ON LOVENSE | $100 Pro Remote controlled Great for long-distance relationships Con Customers have noted problems with the toy holding a charge Rechargeable: Yes Waterproof: Water-resistant "I have to admit I don't get off from penetration alone, and I know most people don't either. That's where rabbit vibrators with clitoral and internal stimulation come in," Moore notes. The water-safe and body-safe Nora toy has an external vibrating arm to deliver rumbly vibes to the clit while the insertable arm rotates instead of vibrates, which uniquely stimulates your G-spot. So, where does the innovation come in? The technological features. The app-controlled vibrator can be used at close range or far away, which also makes it a great sex toy for long-distance relationships. "You can even sync it to your favorite playlist or your partner's voice," she says.
Tips to keep in mind: See your sexuality as part of your self-care. Sexual self-care is about checking in on your sexual likes, dislikes, and preferences since they can change over time. Being in rhythm with your body and prioritizing pleasure via masturbation allows you to nurture a deeper connection with yourself. Bringing toys into your sexual self-care practice can be a bridge to work through any shame and traverse new sexual ground as well. Get in touch with your body. You can't find the right toy unless you know what makes your body tick. Phillips suggests running through several questions to help you figure out the particular features you'll want with your sex toy: "Is it to spice up your sex life with your partner? Are you not being pleasured enough, and you are tired of using your hands and fingers? Are you having a difficult time achieving an orgasm?" Getting down to the nitty-gritty opens you up to explore your pleasure zones and the type of touch you would prefer, which narrows down your choices.
Elevate the sensations you already like. Think about what you already like in bed, and then look for a toy that can give you the sort of focused stimulation you crave. "For example, if you really like using your fingers in a fast, pressure-filled way on and around your clitoris, try something that vibrates on and around your clitoris," advises Wright. "If you like the feeling of flickering on your clitoris, find a toy that mimics this either with air, a tickler, or suction. If you like dual-stimulation (penetration and clitoral stimulation) find a toy with dual stimulation." Try out new things you're curious about. It's not just about sticking with what you know. Sex toys offer a pathway to experiment with new kinks individually or in partnered scenarios. So, break away from the familiar activities and be as curious as you want to be. Trying out anal beads, remote-controlled vibrators, or internal g-spot vibrators can empower you to play out any secret fantasies or try out that hot move you saw in your favorite porno. (Here's our full guide to using every kind of vibrator.) Choose the proper materials. In the world of sex toys, not all sex toys are created equal. The FDA doesn't regulate the sex toy industry since they're not considered medical devices, so they're classified as "novelty items." Therefore, it's important to have some awareness about the chemical makeup in your sex toys to avoid any dangerous compounds. The exact material of your toy plays a heavy consideration here, and body-safe materials are king. "Don't use toys made from anything besides silicone, borosilicate glass, or stainless steel. It's OK if a handle is made of ABS plastic, but anything going on or in your bits needs to be body-safe," Wright says.
Huge Butt PlugLube, lube, lube. Just like with sex, you don't need to just rely on natural lubrication to get you going. "Make sure you have plenty of lube on hand," Wright suggests. "Everyone needs it. I promise it makes everything better." The exact amount depends on whether you're using the sex toy internally or externally, but you can apply the lube directly on top of the toy or on your body. How to clean your toys. Wright recommends using a sex toy cleaner that's gentle enough for the genitals but also strong enough to get rid of bacteria. "How you clean a toy varies depending on the material that the toy is made out of. Some say gentle soap and water is fine; however, there are so many variables when it comes to the ingredients in soap that I prefer to use something I know isn't going to mess up vaginal pH." (Here's a full guide about how to exactly clean every sex toy out there.) She shares a few tips below: Store toys in a relatively temperature-controlled place to prevent bacteria growth. Don't store silicone on silicone (the same reason you don't use silicone lubricant on silicone toys; it creates microscopic holes for bacteria growth).
If something is glass or stainless steel, boil them! Especially if they're being used anally. If they're only being used vaginally and on one person, a toy cleaner will suffice. Clean the sex toy before and after use to wash away dirt, bacteria, microscopic organisms, body fluids, etc. Depending on the material of the toy, leave it out to air dry or towel dry before storage. The takeaway. Sex toys are a great way to invite fun into the bedroom, even if it does require a little bit of research and experimentation to find the best sex toys that work for you. These sex toys are a great starting point to help you fulfill your sexual needs and stay curious about what turns you on. The best part is that you don't have to stop at just one toy—you can get as many as your heart desires. Whether you’re perusing the aisles and displays at an IRL sex toy emporium or scrolling online, shopping for a sex toy can be a little overwhelming. Not only do you have to figure out what everything does, you also have to figure out if it aligns with how you like to be done.
That’s why we called on three sex toy experts (nay, connoisseurs) and asked them to give us the 411 on the main types of sex toys — all of which can be bought online. Below they explain what these sex toys do and how to know if one deserves a place in your drawer. Dildo What the heck makes a dildo, well, a dildo? According to Lisa Finn, a sex educator at sex toy boutique Babeland, “A dildo is anything phallic-shaped, or vaguely phallic-shaped, that’s designed to penetrate a vagina, anus, or mouth.” Standard dildos Also known as single-ended dildos, standard dildos most resemble biological penises in shape and function. “There are so many internal hot spots in the body, including the G-spot and A-spot in vulva owners and P-spot in people with penises,” Finn says.
Switch WhipShe adds that a standard dildo can be used by hand or worn in a harness to stimulate these spots. Safety note: It’s only safe to put a dildo in your bum if it has a flared base that’s bigger than the widest part of the dildo. If you’re planning on using the dildo during solo sex, Finn recommends a dildo with a suction cup base, like the Avant P1 Pride Freedom dildo. Why? Because then you can attach it to a shower wall and ride it the way you might if a partner was involved. If you’re planning to use it to peg, opt for a slim, texture-free dildo, like the Tantus Silk small (or medium) dildo. And if you’re looking for a dildo that looks like a biological penis, it doesn’t get better than New York Toy Collective’s Carter or Leroy. Textured dildos Changing the material the dildo is made out of to vary the sensation — for example, a dildo made out of stainless steel will be heavier than one made out of silicone, and therefore increase the sensation of fullness — isn’t the only way to alter the texture.
There’s also a variety of textured details you might experiment with once you’ve confirmed that you enjoy dildo play or penetration. “Some have ripples or waves,” Finn says. “Some have more pronounced heads and are super veiny. Some have little textured nubs and bumps.” Double-ended dildos As you might guess, this dildo iteration features a head at both ends. Usually 12 to 24 inches long, some look like two dildos fused together (like the Lovehoney Ice Gem) and others are U-shaped (like the Ruse double dildo). “Depending on the shape, double-ended dildos allow you to experiment with double penetration either in the same hole, or in different holes, for a sense of fullness,” Finn explains, “or to experience extra-deep insertion.” Money-saving hack: You can make your own double-ended dildo with a double-sided suction cup. Strapless strap-on Sometimes the terms “strapless strap-on” and “double-ended dildo” are used interchangeably, but they’re pretty different.
While double-ended dildos are typically U- or I-shaped, strapless strap-ons are L-shaped. “Strapless strap-ons are ergonomically designed so that one partner can wear the toy and experience a sensation of fullness while also thrusting into a partner,” Finn explains. “They can also be worn by somebody who wants to jack themselves using something phallic, or receive a blow job,” she adds. Cheers to gender euphoria! Note: While the name of this toy implies you should be able to wear it harness-free, “thrusting while trying to hold the toy inside your own body is incredibly taxing on the pelvic floor muscles,” says sex educator Cassandra Corrado. “So don’t hesitate to reduce the strain by also wearing a harness over the top,” she says. The best strapless strap-on on the market is hands down — or should I say hands-free — the Fun Factory Share. Harness Standard dildos can be worn inside a harness for strap-on play. There are a few different types of harnesses, but when shopping for one the most important thing is to find one that fits.
